Missing out.

Laying home in my favorite surf position realizing I just spent five hours surfing the net.
Why not?
Im sick. Im wrinkly. Im missing out!
Was supposed to be on camp with school. Film-camp again. Then A rude parasite decided to attack my body and make me look like I supposed to be acting in a horrorfilm. Including the pain and suffering. So I didnt go.
Instead I realized that I have a problem. With decisions. Whatever it is I can never decide what way to go. Whatever choice I have to make I get confused, worried and stressed. Yes - stressed. Never really got what stressed was if it wasn´t being in a hurry with something but suddenly it hit me. I´m stressed. Stressed by choices of life. Scared to choose wrong. Miss out. Lose. Fall behind.

It happens all the time. Shall I go home? What doctor should I choose? Shall I go down south or stay home? Shall I buy that thing or not? Shall I use this or this cream? Shall I drive or walk? Shall book the early or late flight?
Everything becomes a big choice where i put down too much energy on finding out every possible outcome. Instead of JUST DO IT! To scared of something to go wrong. To scared to fail. Be spontaneous for gods sake!

Now Im gonna work on that. Together with my other big project.
These are my life projects. For well-being. I know that now.
It might take a year of boredom.
I might miss out. Feel lonely. Feel different. Be boring.
But after rain comes sun. And if I dont deal with them now. They will always be shading my future.

Im Healing!